finding mollie.

I've had the most amazing week/month/time.

I will get to catching up with the basics, but I want to get out my excitement for life first.

Since the new semester started I started showing up in the 1st years' art class. They're

around 10 or 11 years old and really sweet. It's the only year art classes are offered to students at the school which is why I'm with them.

In my normal classes I don't really follow the courses, I'm just kind of there. So being in a class where I can actually work on something

was a huge excitement, not to mention I've been spend

ing the last 6 months in study hall doodling

and missing nights at home, sitting in my corner with all the lights off save for one lamp in the corner, and painting with big band music playing.

Anyway, since starting the class I have felt happier than ever. The teacher is a wonderful woman and she has actually been helping with my french- quite a difference from teachers who just ignore you.

My first project was to draw faces of different moods and concentrate on using the eyes and eyebrows to express the mood. It was really fun and actually a challenge. After I had completed it she had me go through and re

ad the word, working on my pronunciation.

The second project was branched from the first- making a mini comic using the techniques of expressing emotions through the face. Already being used to making mini comics for my friends at home during school, I was

incredibly excited to do this.

I took the advantage to practice my french and wrote a little story about a flame-breathing

dinosaur coming to destroy Seraing (the village where I go to school) and a boy wanting to befriend him.

It was cute and the teacher LOVED it. It was also nice because I had some kids in my regular classes help me with grammar and it was a fun bonding experience. There a

re a couple spelling/grammar errors I have yet to fix, but it's nearly finished.

My third project was a pointillism project- making a design only by tiny dots. We had to make a scenery and my teacher was really enthusiastic about mine.

I blended the sunset really well and she had the students come gather around and look at it.

Now my 4th project is designed to teach students how to contrast warm and cold colors to make shapes pop out or recede . The other students (mind you they are young) would draw squigleys and color

a square behind it in it's contrasting color, but I had already done something like this in my notebook during study hall and so I pulled it out to get some ideas for my project. My teacher was doing her rounds and came over to see how I was doing. She saw my notebook and nearly screamed. She kept saying, "c'est magnifique!!" and asked to look through it. I was kind of embarrassed because there were a lot of random doodles and pages of lyrics where I didn't feel like thinking so I wrote whatever song I was listening to- but she kept raving about it. During the class a guy she knew came in to give her posters of his dance recital to put up in her room and sister's cafe. She brought him over and they discussed my work- then the prefect of studies came in to chat and (luckily) she didn't remember me (I'm not exactly following my schedule...) and was also really amazed by my art/doodling. My self-esteem was getting a major pump, guys. I felt so good. OH, and when she introduced me she also said I spoke french really well :) :) :)

(I need to erase the pencil and add color->

But what happened next I can't even explain how wonderful it felt. My art teacher gave me a speech about the importance of continuing with my artwork. She was saying to me that she could tell I was happier and that everything I have created came from inside me- it was technical or mimicked, it was me. She was saying I was a natural artist and to really be

happy in life I needed to continue drawing, even if it is just for myself. I was telling her how much I love it and miss painting and she was like "Painting?! I teach painting all day Monday. You can come every day to my class, I think it's something you really need." She gave me her master schedule so I can come whenever, no questions asked. To hear her say I'm welcome as long as I wanted to come was such an honor. I really really really enjoy the atmosphere and feel like myself again. I have confidence in my art and I haven't

felt so proud in a long time.

After saying there two hours I went to the study hall for another two hours to wait until my host sisters finished school. I kept working on my piece listening to my music and thinking about what she had said. As my new favorite song came on (New Soul by Yael Naim- listen to the lyrics) I felt myself smiling and feeling like my soul was radiating in bliss. I don't know how it clicked, but I realized that I had finally found myself. I know who I am. What makes it even better is that I love this person I've become.

I came here hoping to reach this moment, expecting myself to be like the women I have looked up to in the novels I've read. Independent and strong, courageous and loving. But now that I've reached this I realized I always knew who I was- I was just ashamed to admit it. I was too scared of people not liking me for who I am that I hid behind conformity. Also not realizing that those closest to me already saw through it all and found me.

At the beginning of my exchange I was much more closed off than I have ever been. It was hard to express myself- especially since I felt guilty if I spoke English. But my environment has changed and I feel so at home.

My counselor described my personality as "pow-pow-pow!" yesterday when I was talking about how much I love my new family and how I'm thriving. His reasoning was that I have a personality that is easy to get along with, "pow-pow-pow" was given with hand gestures to indicate I'm an energetic person. To hear him say that was so heart-warming. I was so weighed down with fear at the beginning of my exchange and now have learned to relax and be comfortable with my progress and where I am.

At the rotary meeting yesterday I presented checks to different charities and I didn't have a nervous bone in my body. I was so at ease and happy to be there, speaking french, enjoying free wine, and feeling my cheeks ache from smiling. Before I would have sweaty palms and was scared to talk to the Rotarians- nervous they were judging my french. But I realized they were happy I wanted to be there and try to speak their language, not judging how well I was doing. It was such a wonderful time. Granted, I did get home around 1am on a Wednesday night. Kcooool. No school today for Mollie :)

Bisous from the Kansas girl in Belgium, over-flowing with love of life

Moll

I promise to update with my activities instead of deep thoughts the next time :)

in my defense, I've been one BUSY girl!